With his permission, I'm going to share with you a breakthrough that happened with my son today. He is NOT a talker. When he was in Kindergarten, I signed up to be the room mom mostly because I knew I would have no clue what was going on otherwise. Things have gotten a LITTLE better, partly from just getting older, and I would honestly say MOSTLY from our planners (which started out as printables until I figured out exactly what we wanted). Here is how our Family Inspired Planner came to the rescue today and ended up being an AMAZING communication tool!
The morning started out as it usually does. My son and I were in the family room/kitchen area while I made breakfast and he played while his sister slept. He ate breakfast, got dressed, happily played with his sister when she woke up, just like he usually does. Then it was time to head to school and he started dragging his feet. Read me a story. Another story. I don't know where my shoes are. I don't feel very good. All the excuses he could think of so he wouldn't have to go to school.
Now, I have to tell you this kid LOVES school and LOVES spending time with other kids AND has the BEST. TEACHER. EVER. So when he doesn't want to go to school, I know something is up. Sometimes, it's something easy to figure out. For example, after there was a fire at school and they got an extra 2 days off while it was cleaned up, it was HARD to get back to school. There were a few tears, but he went without really struggling. Not today my friend.
We drove to the school, which actually takes longer than walking - but we were late and I was NOT going to carry him around the school to the front door. Of course he refused to get out of the car, climbed into the back, etc. (I know my Mom is laughing right now because this was me, only I was 100 times worse. Funny how we get kids that we totally GET, if you know what I mean.) That's the thing, I DO understand what he's going through. I remember not ever wanting to go to school. Except, I was deathly shy and he is SO social, so I knew it was something that had happened. But how to get him to talk to me? We talked a little bit in the car, but he was pretty closed off and insisted that he would talk to me if we went home. What did this Mom of the Year do? I gave in.
We get home and you know what he does? GETS HIS PLANNER. He wants to go through the steps of solving a problem. Hold back the tears! Don't show the excitement! Inside I was BURSTING with pride (in a good way)!
At first, it was me asking yes/no questions and when we finally identified a few things he was afraid of, a few things that made him sad, and something that another kid had said that hurt his feelings, he TOTALLY opened up. We talked and talked AND TALKED. This is a MAJOR breakthrough with him! We discussed some possible solutions to the things he was afraid of, he asked some questions about things he had been thinking about, we read a couple books to break up all the seriousness, and we talked about feelings and how everybody has them, and they are a GOOD THING. They are part of what makes this human experience HUMAN. We talked about families, and how God put us together for a REASON. That parents have learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, and so on and so on. Our loving Heavenly Father did that ON PURPOSE so we wouldn't be alone in life. It was an amazing couple of hours. My proud Mommy moment came when he said that when people say mean things, he doesn't want to say mean things back or hurt their feelings. Instead he will tell himself that they aren't true and he is glad he is himself and not someone else. Smart kid.
We ended our conversation with him setting a goal to go to school even when he is afraid or sad, and to tell himself "I can do this!" when he feels like he can't. We can ALL do hard things. Hang in there Momma, YOU can do hard things too!
